Listening to: The Kennedy Curse- Alexisonfire

Feeling: tired & depressed

Whats Going On:
Back home for the first time in about ten days and it was really hard to leave. I met Lisa at the mall and we spent a couple hours buying new clothes for school which was a real pain in the ass and was another reminder of how fat I'm getting. I'm so ashamed and embarassed. Hopefully with school I'll be able to go on a crash diet for a few weeks.

So yeah school starts tomorrow morning at 8:30am which is lovely. I have yet to buy books or anything still. I'll just gather some shite before bed and hope I don't fuck myself over tomorrow. I must remember to see the lady in head office to fill out some gov't forms in regards to moms pension thingy. I'm really going to need that money since I won't be able to work with my heavy course load and co-op placement. Fuck I can't believe I actually start school tomorrow. I'm going have to start drinking mass amounts of coffee again to at the very least be semi conscious during class. After school Justin invited me over to go to denny's and watch the last two episodes of Nip/Tuck which will be nice especially because I feel so fucking horrible right now. I'm too exhausted to even cry anymore. I hope I get to see Jayne on friday I really miss her.

I'm really upset about whats happened or more like not happened between Adrian and I. I really liked him. But as usual I get fucked over. I really, really wish I was a dyke.

Last nite I got to play with Dukes Of Apollo (Johnny & Antonio's band). They needed someone to play the parts of the piano, I didn't want to at first but they begged me to. You would never know I had piano lessons for a couple years cuz it took me forever to play the song properly but once I got it right we all played and had a great time. We went to Kelseys around 9pm and waited for about an hour for Frazer to haul his ass there and we couldn't even stay long by the time he got there. But he had enough time for me to buy him cake and buy him, Johnny and I shots of whiskey. I don't know how I could stomach that shite. Its so much easier to drink when ur depressed. There were really annoying girls sitting behind us whom I wanted to kill. I think they were like sixteen but there was like twenty of them there for someones birthday. Antonio and I did impressions of their annoying voices, "Like oh my god you're like so retarded." Ugh I fucking hate girls sometimes. After dinner we went to Picadilly's Circus for a few drinks then Johnny and I went home and rented The Devil's Rejects which was a creepy fucking movie. Pretty gory and violent. Its very scary to think that people that horrible exist. Rob Zomie you have managed to scare the shite out of me once again.

Ugh I feel like such crap right now. So much that I've even considered cutting but cannot remember where I hid my razor blade. I'm too stressed about school already and it hasn't even started yet. This is going to be a fun eight months....